I have never in my life been made to endure such trying circumstances and I can't help but feel as though there is nothing I can do. So when there is nothing you do, faith becomes something you rely on heavily. What I'm learning is that I've had a hard time relying on faith for my whole life and so now, when I need it the most, I am lost. My mind says curse God, shake your fist and renounce all the things you said you believed..how could this happen? An innocent childs life hangs in limbo and multitudes are put through the pain and agony of a silly waiting game. Part of me says to God "Show me why I believe in you!" I write this as I am stuck...at home with a virus of my own, unable to be at my daughters side, my cellphone is dead and my charger is at the hospital. I can't go get my son because he would become sick and has already been exposed to the RSV and we can't risk anything infecting him. I am angry because of my impatience and my own sense of self importance. Impatience because this is taking so long and I am growing increasingly scared with every waking minute. My self importance because I thought something like this could ever happer to me. So many people say that and yet so many can't grasp the concept that we are all succeptible to anything. I go back to faith because my anger and frustration does me no good it adds to the pain. So i cry out to God instead to please heal this little one that cannot fight for herself. How can I grasp that she is indeed God's to take if he chooses? How as a parent do you find a peace in that? I don't understand that but I do know that this did not take God by surprise. Maybe it's time to actually put my faith to action. To stop talking about it and start doing it. My peace (when I have it) comes in the gospel. In knowing that this is not my fault. There is nothing I did to cause this. My wife did nothing wrong to bring this on. We are a product of a broken, imperfect body, and indeed susceptible to disease, injury and death. But Jesus has redeemed us, and I am thankful and encouraged, as hard as it may be, that one day we will have a perfect body. I pray that my faith will increase as I wait and pray and cry.
Think about Brooks and Melissa and Sarah Kate. Pray for them. I am thankful that in the midst of the storm - first Brooks' mom, and now Brooks have said - my peace comes in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
