Some of the most common questions I receive about not having a Youth Group are centered on youth/students who attend church without their parents. Some of the questions are:How will we reach these kids?
How will we minister to them?
If all ministry is “family ministry” won’t these kids feel awkward and out of place?
Let’s start with the first question - How will we reach these kids?
HOW?
For the most part, kids reach kids. It is extremely rare that a parent randomly picks a church and then drops their children off at that church with NO relational connections to the church. In fact, I have never seen or heard of this (though I am pretty sure it happens – rarely). Kids go to church with their friends or a friend’s family. This means that in the vast majority of instances when a child whose parents do not attend a church attends church, he does so at the invitation of another student and usually with that student. NCCd expects to reach students in the same way – through existing and new relationships which are primarily student to student.
With What?
I addressed a key philosophy for NCCd Part 6 of this series, number 3 – little “a” attractional, BIG “M” Missional. As a church we major on being missional in that we press our people to live like missionaries. This isn’t just an adult philosophy, but a church philosophy. We believe that Christian children are a part of the body of Christ (the church) and that they, like mom and dad, are called to live out the Great Commission of Matthew 28. We believe that they too are a part of the priesthood of believers who are called to proclaim the excellencies of Him called them (us) out of darkness and into His marvelous light. The mission that adults and children are tasked with – make disciples and teach them.
This is very different from the Big A – Attractional church where events are planned that youth and students can invite other youth to where a specialized “Priest” (youth minister) does the work of ministry by sharing the gospel somewhere in the midst of fun activities. The Youth Minister fulfills the Great Commission by making disciples and teaching them. The Youth Group’s responsibility is to have fun and invite their friends.
SO – while we do things that are fun for our kids – 2nd Sunday Brunch, 4th Sunday Fun, MC 3rd week events – and that other kids can be invited to, what we really hope to see are missional kids and missional families who relationally make disciples of other students and teach them through life together.
How will we minister to them?
Hopefully you read the response to the first question above! If so, you can see that ministry to “orphaned kids” is done primarily through families. This is most natural because the orphaned child likely already has a relationship with the family through a child. Outside of the family, is the Missional Community. The community as a whole reaches out, helps out, and “adopts the “orphaned child.” In community the child is loved, cared for, poured into, led, built up, encouraged…
Let me give you a non-church picture of this. Last Fall I helped a friend, Brad coach Robby’s football team. A parent had met a family – single mother, African-American, very impoverished, several children. One of the children wanted to play football. The White parent took the impoverished child to try outs and paid for him to play. She communicated to the coaches that they would need help with the child. Brad picked this kid to be on our team. Then Brad “adopted” him for the season. Brad, or me, picked him up for every practice and game and took him home. After every practice Brad and his son went to a local restaurant with another coach and his son. The “adopted” child went with them. Brad fed him, included him – he became a part of the family. Several times Brad picked him up and brought him home to play with his own son. I think he may have even spent the night with Brad’s family a time or two. Here’s what the “adopted” child saw - he saw a whole, healthy family with a mom, dad, and children who lived together and loved one another; he saw discipline and order; he saw unconditional love.
What if we did that? As a church. What if we “adopted” those “orphaned” youth and rather than SENDING them once a week to youth group, we included them in our lives – where they saw healthy families, saw healthy relationships with other families, saw and heard the Gospel working in a family and in a community?
This isn’t IDEALISTIC – I have seen it happen. I have seen the changes that it brings to the life of a child. I heard the hope for future that was stirred in an impoverished child without a dad around.
If all ministry is “family ministry” won’t these kids feel awkward and out of place?
NO. Not if we follow the model that I described above. Not if we truly love children. AND not if we recognize what is really going on around us:
On Sundays my kids often sit with other kids in their age group rather than sitting with Amy and me.
At events, my kids play/hang out with other kids – sometimes that includes Amy and me, sometimes not (while we are there together, Robby throws the ball, skates, swims… with his friends).
I (WE) love youth/students – I have 2 children who are youth aged. I love them and want what is best for them. The bottom line is that we believe this model of ministry to be most biblical, more effective and better for youth/students than the Youth Group model. If we didn’t, we wouldn’t be pursuing it.
How will we minister to them?
Hopefully you read the response to the first question above! If so, you can see that ministry to “orphaned kids” is done primarily through families. This is most natural because the orphaned child likely already has a relationship with the family through a child. Outside of the family, is the Missional Community. The community as a whole reaches out, helps out, and “adopts the “orphaned child.” In community the child is loved, cared for, poured into, led, built up, encouraged…
Let me give you a non-church picture of this. Last Fall I helped a friend, Brad coach Robby’s football team. A parent had met a family – single mother, African-American, very impoverished, several children. One of the children wanted to play football. The White parent took the impoverished child to try outs and paid for him to play. She communicated to the coaches that they would need help with the child. Brad picked this kid to be on our team. Then Brad “adopted” him for the season. Brad, or me, picked him up for every practice and game and took him home. After every practice Brad and his son went to a local restaurant with another coach and his son. The “adopted” child went with them. Brad fed him, included him – he became a part of the family. Several times Brad picked him up and brought him home to play with his own son. I think he may have even spent the night with Brad’s family a time or two. Here’s what the “adopted” child saw - he saw a whole, healthy family with a mom, dad, and children who lived together and loved one another; he saw discipline and order; he saw unconditional love.
What if we did that? As a church. What if we “adopted” those “orphaned” youth and rather than SENDING them once a week to youth group, we included them in our lives – where they saw healthy families, saw healthy relationships with other families, saw and heard the Gospel working in a family and in a community?
This isn’t IDEALISTIC – I have seen it happen. I have seen the changes that it brings to the life of a child. I heard the hope for future that was stirred in an impoverished child without a dad around.
If all ministry is “family ministry” won’t these kids feel awkward and out of place?
NO. Not if we follow the model that I described above. Not if we truly love children. AND not if we recognize what is really going on around us:
On Sundays my kids often sit with other kids in their age group rather than sitting with Amy and me.
At events, my kids play/hang out with other kids – sometimes that includes Amy and me, sometimes not (while we are there together, Robby throws the ball, skates, swims… with his friends).
I (WE) love youth/students – I have 2 children who are youth aged. I love them and want what is best for them. The bottom line is that we believe this model of ministry to be most biblical, more effective and better for youth/students than the Youth Group model. If we didn’t, we wouldn’t be pursuing it.
